January 2012
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New Years Plans
Tracie: Did you say we should go to Sbarro and listen to Rush?
Me: I said we should go to some bar where we can listen to Rush.
Tracie: Sorry, in a loud bar my brain autocorrects.
December 2011
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I've only kept one New Year's resolution.
Drink more skim milk.
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Just put on No Jacket Required and opened another...
Cheers, champ.
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It's like some people don't even know we're living...
For instance, my neighbor who insists on having frequent erratic sex and an antique headboard right next to our shared wall. I want to tell her to move her bed, but instead I just passive aggressively turn up the Price is Right, and it’s like Bob Barker Drew Carey just makes them fuck harder. Seriously, did they coat their privates in pharmaceutical cocaine?
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rendit replied to your photo: It’s like a Timothy O’Sullivan Christmas. …
Dude FUCK YOU, Thought Catalog wrote something dumb or something we don’t have time for this get your priorities straight.
Just getting the jump on my New Years resolution to blog more about things that make me sad.
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DC/Marvel Holiday Mixer
SUPERMAN: So, what do you do?
GAMBIT: I throw cards.
SUPERMAN: Oh.
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Took the subway back from the airport.
The street preachers at the Broadway Junction interchange are in rare form.
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I woke up at 5:00AM to take an 8:00AM flight home for Christmas. I always fly JetBlue out of JFK, because they give you cookies, and there’s a TV in your seat. It’s a longer cab ride than LaGuardia, but the subway goes there via the AirTrain. Of course, I never actually take the subway to JFK. I always plan to when I buy the ticket—because it’s green and frugal—but usually I just wind up taking a...
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Taking my Christmas Eve dump.
Hey gang, snuck into the bathroom with my MacBook Pro from last Christmas. Drunk uncle didn’t show up, so I ate his squid. LOL. Thank dog for bathroom fans am I right? Did all my shopping at the liquor store this year.
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onefootinthegrave replied to your post: I hope this doesn’t offend anyone who likes Sting.
I’m with you in the liking Monty Python camp and hating people who quote Monty Python. Aren’t we pompous?
It’s like they don’t even quote the smart stuff. They just quote The Parrot Sketch and say “Nee!” every time you ask them to turn down Ten Summoner’s Tales.
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I hope this doesn't offend anyone who likes Sting.
I don’t really have an opinion about Christopher Hitchens. That time I saw him on Dennis Miller Live, he seemed funny enough, but I was a 14 year-old watching Dennis Miller Live, so take that with a grain of salt. I think I read something he wrote once that I agreed with.
I used to work with this total butthole who would constantly quote Christopher Hitchens on Facebook. The context of...
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Last night, while all of you were tweeting and tumbling your tributes to Christopher Hitchens, I was drinking whiskey, smoking cigarettes, and justifying the Iraq War.
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awpeeps replied to your post: Top 10 Lists I’ve Made in 2011
I think what she’s saying here is: Bard, let’s go get salads. Get the chicken on yours, but pick it off and give it To Me.
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Top 10 Lists I've Made in 2011
Grammer Mistakes I Wish I Could Take Back
TV Shows Not as Good as Modern Family
The Name Gerry Rafferty Repeated 10 Times, in no Particular Order To Me
A Grocery List Consisting of Peanut Butter, a Box Of Condoms, and the Movie, Time Cop
TV Shows Better than Modern Family
Famous Game Show Hosts Who Look Like Marginally Famous Talk Show Hosts
Famous People You Wouldn’t Have Sex with...
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“I should try to find that paper I wrote on The Fountainhead in grad school where...”
– Tracie Masek
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brianvan replied to your photo: Man, do I hate SantaCon. Let’s take St. Patrick’s…
You know what? These frittatas are in NYC every day. Should we just drop a neutron bomb so the too-hip people can access their pizza without offense?
Dude, there were so many bros in Santa hats passed out in the bike lanes yesterday. You don’t even know…
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artyucko replied to your post: GPOYTGIF
Oh, you know. It.
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GPOYTGIF
Actually, it's Uranus
awpeeps:
Three year old kid: Look! A star!
Kid’s dad (loudly enough to make sure all the adults around him could hear): That’s actually Venus but we don’t have to get into it.
This was featured in:
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rendit replied to your post: Is there such a thing as a bad slice of pizza?
I posted about this one time and then Choire unfollowed me. Tread carefully.
Good thing I don’t know who that guy is.
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Is there such a thing as a bad slice of pizza?
The answer depends on whether or not where you choose to get your slice has sufficiently stocked their Parmesan, red pepper, and less crucially, oregano shakers. To me, even cardboard, catsup, and Velveeta surprise from a free clinic cafeteria can be resurrected with half a shaker full of shredded Parm. Add the appropriate amount of red pepper flakes to meet your personal zest preferences.
In...
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