I don’t recommend smoking pot when you’re home alone with a bag of chocolate donuts. And I wouldn’t recommend watching any Super Bowl pregame show, ever, but especially while high. Bob Costas interviewing Madonna, every awkward pause elongated, followed by Lenny Kravitz singing what I think was a song, it was just too much uncanny valley for me to handle and it all made me want to pull a Helen Hunt. Instead I went to a bar where I drank too much beer and ate too much of a mysterious lasagna. I should have never turned on the TV; I should have skipped the Super Bowl and just continued to listen to Jazz Fusion. That advice can be applied to pretty much any situation, but especially drug use, at which, admittedly, I’m very bad.

Yesterday was the Super Bowl of bad decisions To Me.