Do you play video games? We need testers! http://validate.com/gametester/

I fucking love Mountain Dew.

Aw, take a showah.

How do you get through Mondays?

People who wish their lives away instead of living in the moment have no one to blame for their unhappiness except themselves. Changing your outlook on the world is the first step in affecting change in how others see you. You can sit there and lament a glass that’s half empty while your beer turns flat and warm, or you can drink heartily from whatever cup God puts in front of you, if you choose to believe in her.

Whatever you decide, just make sure you wash your ass.

Aw, take a showah.

When you’re lost, are you more likely to ask for directions or find your way without help?

This is why I always carry a cyanide pill.

Aw, take a showah.

Who’s the most famous person you’ve met?

John Wayne Gacy, but it was in a dream. We played air hockey at Dave and Buster’s then he asked if I wanted to see his paintings. I said yes, and then woke up still drunk on the L train at the Jefferson Stop.

Aw, take a showah.

dumber American Original religion: Mormonism or Scientology?

People who use the phrase “Old School.”

Aw, take a showah.

What would be the best thing about being a vampire?

Some Mormon writing a shitty book about me.

Aw, take a showah.

What would be the best workplace perk?

Depends on what you mean by “perk”.

If we’re talking stimulants, that’s easy. Cocaine. But only because I’m such a cheapskate.

If we’re talking amenities, I’d say an in-house chef who will make me an omelet on demand.

If we’re talking a bubbly blonde bombshell, I’m going with Loni Anderson. Avant Burt, of course.

Aw, take a showah.